Here is an interaction between a couple: each move makes things worse but neither partner intends this to happen
In relationships, we bring our own learning and assumptions about the world, ourselves and other people. This learning influences how we interpret what the other person’s words and actions really mean. You can see above that Kris is quite unsure and sensitive to perceived criticism, even when it’s intended as a compliment! We could continue with the learning that Jo will take away ‘never give Kris a compliment’ and what Kris will think ‘Jo never bothers to compliment me’
CBT couples or individual therapy addresses these issues by increasing awareness of patterns (or schemas) and how they lead us towards unhelpful interpretations and reactions to each other. Then it helps us be clear with each other what we want and need from our relationship and how to base this on mutual respect.
Our book will show you how to help yourself to Get Your Life Back. It takes you step by step, starting with identifying the problem. Then it helps you understand why you have the problem. You will learn mindfulness skills to begin training your brain. Then get clear about your values: what you really want in your life. Another chapter helps you understand how your problem works for you. Once you’ve done this there is a chapter showing you how to break the links in the chain of your problem behaviour. You can also contact us to work with a therapist skilled in this area by Skype, FaceTime etc., on the phone or face to face.